The times they are a changin'... - Tíma sem þeir eru að breytast...

Greetings all,

It is a sad sad day today. Departure day. The whole group was disbanded and it feels very lonely. I think that it's safe to say that I could have lived in that little house with all of my awesome friends forever. Or four more weeks anyway. That was the consensus amongst the group. We spent our last night together in our little paradise. I woke up early to see a few people off and then reluctantly packed up my stuff. It's time to move on. But I don't want to go.... I want to stay here..... :(

.....with my beautiful friends.

I guess that's the thing about life. Changing is hard. Especially when you love everything about where you are. This is going to be such a huge transition. I'm about to jump the gap between living with 10 other north americans in a little house in a capital city to a rural sheep farm with distant relatives whom I have never met (who's english speaking status remains undefined). I would like to think that I wouldn't fall into the 'city slicker' category. I was looking at my farm resume today and realized that it wasn't lookin too good. Let's see:

-Various guided trails rides @ a walking pace
-Milked a cow when I was a child
-Owner of one pair of fashionable cowboy boots (that I didn't bring)
-One cowboy hat from a 24 of Coors light (also left at home and too douchey to ever wear)
-Fan of the band "the Sheepdogs" (which may or may not have anything to do with sheep)

Now, normally I would say that based on my qualifications, this should be a slam dunk. However, I feel incredibly nervous not just to visit a sheep farm, but to be employed on one. What if the sheep don't care for me? Who am I going to chill out with? What if my shoveling skills aren't up to par? What if my outfits aren't rugged enough to work on the farm? What if I can't get my flat iron to work and my bangs don't look right? Oh, and not to mention the very good possibility that I can't get internet access and I'm living off the grid. There are so many unknown variables. So if you combine the fact that I'm leaving what I would consider to be paradise island with a group that has essentially become a family and all of the stressors that may or may not be awaiting me at my life on the farm, things are feeling a little bleak.

I think that Blind Melon said it best - "Life is hard, you have to change". So here I am again. Back full circle from where I was before. The fear of jumping off a cliff. If you (whoever it is that's reading right now) recall my first blog, you know that I talked a lot about being afraid of leaving my comfort zone. So if we fast forward a bit, you'll know that I did and it has been a slam dunk from there. I leapt and landed on my feet in superior fashion. But now, here I am again. Right back at square one. I have made a new comfort zone and am once again afraid of propelling forward.

So what's the point. It feels hopeless to try to achieve fearlessness. Maybe I'll spend the rest of my life on this earth being terrified about what's just around the corner. But maybe I've been missing the point. Perhaps my previous goal was imprecise. It could just be that the aim should not be to be fearless, but rather to put myself in situations where I can develop my survival tool kit. Maybe fearlessness is a state of foolish arrogance. Fortitude. That's what I want to strive for. Bravery and resilience. Now we're talking.

So, I'm going to sign off for now. If my farm has internet access, you can expect some more grade A blogs (as I'm sure my farming career is not necessarily going to be full of grace).

I love and miss you all.

And I miss my snorris.

But I will move forward and try not to look back.

Not too much anyway :)

      xoxoxooxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxooxooxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxxxoxoxoxox
                   Sarah :)



Sarah's Additional Viking Rules
-Enjoy the past but concern yourself with looking forward to the future
-Be brave and resilient
-Horns up :)